2009-06-01
6/1/09
Notes I will not send.
Dear Family Members,
You know that water that you use to wet and rinse your toothbrush? It can also be used to rinse your toothpaste laden spit from the sink! Isn't that amazing?
Dear Pepper,
I know you have a crush on the female dog that lives behind us. Take my word for it, she is not impressed when you stand on the deck and bark ONCE every 30 seconds. Go over to the fence and wag your tail at her. She'll be blown away with your handsome, charming self. Trust me.
Dear Daughter of Co-Worker,
There's a phrase that I was raised with. I'm fairly certain that you've never heard it, so I'll share it with you now. "Don't air your dirty laundry in public." What this means is that it is COMPLETELY inappropriate for you to come into my office and share your sex/drinking/drama life with your mom while I'm sitting at my desk. I can only turn up my Ipod so loud. If you don't cease and desist, I fear I will suffer permanent hearing damage.
Dear Co-Worker,
Please tell your daughter to STOP coming by the office to share her sex/drinking/drama life. It's really starting to piss me off!
Dear Other Co-Worker,
I love you. I truly do. Your happy attitude and excellent work ethics are an inspiration to me. I enjoy every moment that I get to work with you.
Dear Shelby,
I love and adore you. I'm so proud of you! You've accomplished so much this semester that I'm left speechless. (Not really, I'm NEVER speechless.) When so many of your friends are acting out and giving up, you've stayed focused on your grades and job. Thanks for making this motherhood thing so easy.
Dear Girl Who Moved In With Us Last Month,
You are so much fun to have around. Thank you for pitching in with whatever chore is being done. Thank you for your easy smile! Thank you for eating whatever I cook for dinner. It's so good to see you beginning to let go of the tension you've been plagued with since we met. Relax...you're safe here.
Dear Husband,
I still think you're hot. I just thought I'd let you know. Thanks for still thinking I'm hot too. ;o)
(Ok, I MIGHT send the last one.)